Didn't See That Coming : Putting Life Back Together When Your World Falls Apart (9780063010543) by Hollis Rachel

Author:Hollis, Rachel
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2020-08-14T00:00:00+00:00

7

Show Up

I want to take the courage conversation further. I feel like it’s important now to talk about why you should fight for courage rather than doing nothing at all. I also feel like I should probably warn you, this topic gets me really fired up. Not “fired up” like we’re the Rancho Carne Toros and we’re trying to compete at nationals with a whole new routine we created after realizing that all our moves were stolen from the East Compton Clovers. No, I mean fired up as in, this topic really pushes my buttons. Actually I’ll tell you the truth because that’s what I do. It doesn’t just push my buttons, it royally pisses me off. Good manners say that you should never come at someone who’s going through something hard. But truthfully, if what I’m about to say applies to you, you need someone to be real with you and the people in your life love you too much to do it. I love you too, but I love you enough to speak the truth even if it hurts your feelings. So here goes.

Stop wallowing.

It’s time. If you want to begin to move forward, then you must stop wallowing in despair and take the next right step to help you move forward. And before you dismiss what I’m saying as a harsh directive of a privileged author speaking about something she doesn’t understand, you should know that the grown-up, mature part of me isn’t the one who has such strong opinions on this issue. My vehement belief that you need to show the hell up for your life before it’s too late comes straight from my childhood. More specifically, I’m writing this from the perspective of a little girl who didn’t have the power or authority to say these things to the grown-ups in her life when she needed those grown-ups the most. I couldn’t express these feelings back then, I didn’t even have the language to articulate them, but many years have come and gone between then and now—enough for me to understand that what happened was wrong. So, this is me, an adult, telling you, an adult, what someone should have said to my parents long ago.

You must find the courage to keep going. You have a responsibility to anyone who relies on you but if you’re a parent, you especially owe it to your children.

When my big brother committed suicide, it destroyed our family. Not that we were much of a family to begin with, if I’m being truthful, but whatever tenuous threads held us together were burned to ash when Ryan died. As a mother, I literally cannot imagine how awful it was for my parents to lose their only son that way. I can honor them, in that I will never, ever grasp how terrible their unique grief was. But I can also acknowledge that both my parents gave up that day. They didn’t give up at life; I truly respect the fact that they both have fought hard in the years since to rebuild a life for themselves.

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